A recent article from Jen Comas Keck about social media and self image got me thinking again – and now you all have to hear about it.  Her blog is pretty cool by the way so you should check it out.   I don’t always agree, but I don’t always agree with anyone 100% of the time… it’s usually because of my unusual personality.   That being said, I see her point, but I also want to make another point.  Because the “Waaaaaaah media hurts us women!!!!” flag gets waved around a whole heck of a lot.  And I’m tired of it.  Almost as tired of it as I am of the persisting “fear of bulking up” that somehow still exists.

Are we SO WEAK that every photoshopped magazine cover, every blog post, every fitness model image with snappy “motivational” sayings typed over them causes us to get all envious and filled with self hatred?   REALLY?   I put it in the same column as the folks who like to say, “Well, I have no self control soooooo that’s why I ate this whole pint of ice cream.”  Here’s the fun message of hope: these behaviors can be changed.

Ok, I’m your annoying friend who never even had the notion that she was “supposed to look like Barbie” and who has always regarded the thinness of runway models to be a way to make things a LOT easier on designers (Ever try sewing fitted garments for a figure with any curves?  It’s very very hard.   After over 15 years of sewing, I gave up the hobby and I have a trusted local tailor practically on call).  When I look at a fashion editorial shoot in Vogue or Bazaar, I am more intrigued by the lighting, angles, focus, depth of field, use of contrast, and overall emotional statement that the photographer, designer, and model are working together to create.   Never do I have the thought “omg I have to look like her, I am so jealous of her ‘long lean’ legs.”

I’m your annoying friend who doesn’t care that you can lift more, run farther, go faster, etc. than me. That’s actually a lie—I do care, I’m happy for you, genuinely and will ask you all kinds of questions about how you did it, because seeing YOU do it has inspired me.  And if you’re roughly my size/height whatever that’s even better… it means I have a pretty good chance of doing what you did one day.

Granted, according to most of the statistics out there, my personality type exists in only 0.09% of women and 3.3% of men.  So you are well within your rights of totally ignoring my opinions in this matter.   I really don’t understand people who hate others for being accomplished, strong, successful, beautiful, or who watch the Olympics and suddenly “feel bad” about their own athletic performance.

Up for a little challenge?

If you find yourself thinking mean stuff about someone who’s doing well, see if you can catch it and turn it around.   Stop and think for a second,”Why am I having these mean thoughts about someone who can do ___________________ so well because they’ve worked hard, or whatnot.”  Stop and be happy for them, be inspired, find out what they did – maybe they have a tip that will be a game changer for you.  This kind of thinking, much like self-control in the face of junk food can be learned and made a habit.  You’re NOT powerless against it.

I think that’s what makes me angry about the “blame game” – the implied powerlessness… as if all women are so weak that they can’t do anything about these outside, disembodied information sources, that our self image is so whispy that any little gust of wind will scatter it.  I resent that a lot.   Fight the weakeness – of mind and of body.   And just like physical strength, it doesn’t happen all in one day, its the habit, its the every day small choices that matter – both in the mind and in “the gym”

So be awesome, cheer on your friends, and let’s all get stronger and happier together.